Black and Blue Butterflies: The Transformative Journeys of Mothers Who Lost a Child to Suicide

The purpose of this study is to understand the experience of mothers who lost a child to suicide, and how they have learned to cope with their devastating loss. The study is grounded in transformative learning (TL) theory; the study design combined narrative inquiry and the first author’s autoethnographic experience. Data collection consisted of two sets of semi-structured interviews with each of the participants, and narrative analysis combined with thematic analysis revealed five interrelated themes regarding how the mothers learned to cope and move forward after their loss: experiencing distress, trying to make sense, making use of meaningful sources of comfort, taking action, and deepening reflection through metaphor and autoethnographic sharing. A concluding discussion offers implications for TL theory around extremely emotional events and the changing circumstances brought on by suicide loss.